I'm falling apart

I wan him to stay but i wan him to go
It's so confusing
I love him
what can I say ?
But what stops me is the history we have bcoz I know that I'm not gonna have it anymore
It's hard to think i had fall in love with someone that already broke my heart
Again its also hard to imagine why I liked him in the first place

I want to forget or remember the memories I wish i didn't have?

It falling is so easy, why is getting back so hard ?